Alot to think about..

there really is too much..

work is still the same but the major audit is over. we did really well !! great job guys !!

i might be moving soon, that's a big worry. smaller room, living with my auntie, ulu location. oh man.. where am i going to put all my things !! and my room finally become how i wanted it to be..

love life ?? non-existent.. Vday is coming. so what is everyone doing ?? i did something stupid.

i am short on cash.. :( need to earn and make more money !!!

friends ?? i guess we all need a break from each other once in a while.. tho i do miss them.

work hard and strive on !!

Fine again..

well, its been afew days..
better now :)

i reflected..
i feel that for the last year, i was operating on autopilot. without my emotions. that night.. the box, that i hid my emotions in, broke and i was flooded. the waters have subsided and my brain is at a calm again. i can think more properly now. i can feel the past coming back. i will be back soon.

well, when i msged her. i took a chance. i was turned down. as i told jean, no amount of love can bring back someone who doesnt want to come back. well, i guess that was it.. i give up on my dream and time to grow up and be realistic again. part of me is really disappointed but i guess god does hate me.

focus.. there are goals to be achieved. time to be SLOW not shi long. emotions are good but i have responsiblities to take care of now. atonement started a long time ago but i got to work harder now. i leave everything to fate..

STUPID STUPID STUPID !!

i know i miss her and i still went to read her blog.
stupid move..
but it explains the dreams..
why do i love all her bad traits like they were her best ??
someone slap me..
or kill me..
this is too much to handle !!!

A long time...

its been a month. i have avoided coming back here cos.. well.. you know..

argh.. confusion stirs my thoughts. i wana be the best again. i am under alot of pressure and i guess i got to soak it up. work hard !!!

i feel very lost.. i used to work so hard for someone. thus no matter how hard i had to fight for something or how much hours i had to put in, it was worth it. just to see her smile. there was always a future in the distance.

now ?? i dun even know why i am still trying.. for myself ?? for my goals ?? i guess.. but whats after that ?? its days like this i miss your hugs and smiles..

but i guess its not meant to be..
smile because it happened that's what i tell myself.
enough tears had been shed..

That day draws near..

god..
these dreams wont let me go..

why..
need i be tormented by these false hopes

is..
there really a future ??

she..
is doing well i hope..

not..
going to be the same on that day..

here..
i wished it was real.

Attachments..

i never ran away from my problems cos i never had a problems without a physical form..

why...
since when did i let so many things into my world ??
why
when you came into my world, you bought so many things but when you left, i am left to deal with all these ??

my world just used to be me and my other half. nothing else used to matter

friends..
enemies...
they were all just passing shadows..

why is it that i want to run away to a place that has no trace of you ??

why is it i cant hate you ??
when i know i have to..
why is it i cant stop loving you ??
when i know i shouldnt..

Birthday leader board

16 oct
Siti Hajar @ 0530
Dommick Chan @ 0855
Dorcas Tan @ 0859
Janson Lee @ 0905
Natalie Chua @ 0932
Siddharth @ 0933
Amanda Ho @ 0942
Cristal lee @ 0954
Kurt kishan @1134
Eileen tan @1226
Ow Shi Kun @ 1255
Connie ho @ 1355
Ten Zhi Yong @ 1416
Chia Chen Ying @ 1431
Kenny @ 1530
Melody kuan @ 1537
Jian Hao @ 1544
Sis @1552
Rhin Tok @ 1628
Shane Tan @ 1630
Ming Yong @ 1646
Oliver @ 1647
Tay Hui Ze @ 1721
Gilbert Wong @1735
Tan Thiam Wei, Pat Tai, Fanni, Eli Peh @ 1900
Eugene Giam @ 1953
Aaron Tay @ 2006
Sim JJ @ 2038
Grace Lee @ 2039
Ming Hao @ 2124
lee chen ning @ 2235
Koh Li Juan @ 2346

17th oct
Gloria koo @ 0040
Whitney Ng @ 1659

Content..

People often say that they want to be contented or that they should be contented with what they have

i believe that the answer lies in the way you seek satisfaction. Everyone seeks satisfaction in some way, some work for off, some work for promotion, others for money or other reasons.

For example, you say you want to be contented with, lets say, your relationship. then what is it that you gain your satisfaction from ?? is it that you possess them ?? is it that there is happiness when they buy you things ?? Is it that you have someone to bring you out ?? or is it that they are there in your heart to share your life no matter what happens ??

A monk can gain satisfaction through mediation cos he believes that he has make a connection to his soul and cleansed it. People go to church and pray, they feel satisfied cos they believe that they had made a connection to god.

think about it..
what do you gain satisfaction from ??
is it really the right way ??

A night of many thoughts

i thought about alot of things tonight

my duty clerk made me think with all his qns

i cant fall in love with anyone, not anymore..

if i am to leave this land for good then it will be unfair to ask her to leave it with me.

and even more unfair for her to have to wait for me.

not like i have anyone to love or that anyone would love me

love doesnt exist anymore..

but guilt still does

and misery...

Time to cut some connections..

i feel that i cant have any link to her anymore..

i think i am going to make a very big change.

i am going to have to cut all connections to anyone that have to do with her.

i am going to have to lose all those people..

Aiming to for the sky and beyond..

i found some inspiration.

i want to the best again.

i will work damm hard.

to be the best.

to push myself.

to break my limits.

cos they need to know what they lost..

Plato (Greek mythology)

According to him, at the beginning of all creation, men and women are not as they are not, there was just one being who was rather short, with a body and a neck, but his head had 2 faces, looking in different directions. it was as if two creatures had been glued back to back,with two sets of sex organs, four legs and four arms.

The Greek gods, however, were jealous, because this creature, with four arms could work harder; with its 2 faces, it was always vigilant and could not be taken by surprise; and its four legs meant that it could stand or walk for long periods at a time without tiring. Even more dangerous was the fact that the creature had two different set of sex organs and so needed no one else in order to continue reproducing.

Zeus, the supreme lord of Olympus, said: "I have a plan to make these mortals lose some of their strength."

And he cut the creature in two with a lightning bolt . thus creating man and women. this greatly increased the population of the world, and, at the same time, disoriented and weakened its inhabitants, because now their had to search for their lost half and embrace it and, in that embrace, regain their former strength, their ability to avoid betrayal and stamina to walk for long periods of time and to withstand hard work. this embrace which the two bodies re-fuse to become one again is what we call "sex"